Inner development for Empathic Leadership.
It is time to change how we lead ourselves, how companies are led and also how we raise our children. There is another way. I name this Empathic Leadership. Beyond right and wrong. Power-over turns into power-with. It is a world where the hierarchy we are used to is transformed, where no one needs to be pushed down and where everything and everyone can live and work together in harmony.
It all starts with ourselves. Our inner development.
We need individuals in families, in companies, in our society, who are in touch with their authentic being. Who has an inner maturity and a robust self-sense.
Our organisations benefit from having more people connected to their true selves, which is what happens when you work on your inner development.
When we are in touch with the authentic part of ourselves, we are grounded, wise, powerful, joyful, filled with empathy and creatively engaged with life.
It becomes Empathic Leadership by itself.
Finding your unique authentic self-expression.
Dominant leadership is fading, and a new type of leadership is emerging - Empathic Leadership with role models.
To be a role model leader, you are asked to live your unique self-expression and empower others to do the same.
The new leadership is about being self-led, which means leading yourself from a place within you that is your unique authentic self-expression and inner compass. Many instead follow a norm and old beliefs rather than what is truly correct for each of us.
Your job as a leader in the new system is to encourage others to find their inner authority and thus become a self-led individual.
This role as a leader is very different from what most of us are used to. We go from "power-over" to "power-with". Towards empathic leadership - the new paradigm.
It is time to prepare for the new era. You prepare by doing your inner work - your inner MBA.
Most of us have some inner work to do. Some choose to go through the process and live our unique self-expression and thus become a role model, others do not. It is a calling.
My services are primarily focused on empowering individuals, by embracing the shadow and unleashing the individual’s true potential.
From power-over to power-with.
I firmly believe that we are in a gigantic shift in the way businesses are run and managed, the way our society and the world work, in parenting and in self-leadership.
From power-over to power-with.
For that shift to happen, it seems it first needs to degenerate completely. We see it in many parts of the world. Polarities increase. The consolation, I think, is that it is out of these polarized states that something new can emerge. Something completely new.
I don't think it's possible to change corrupt systems that are driven by fear. I think we need to rebuild. From scratch. And it starts with ourselves. We can no longer run our lives from our ego structure (personality) and thus from fear. It just leads to more of the same. We need to face ourselves in the depths, see our own fears and the beliefs that have shaped us until now, and transform these patterns. This is not a quick fix and easy journey. Many have already started this journey. And more are needed!
We can make a difference by making our own inner development journey. We can start with our closest relationships. Do we have genuine harmony, openness, radical truth beyond our ego structure, love, warmth, joy in these relationships?
How do I treat myself in my internal communication with myself? Am I empathetic and supportive of myself? Or is my inner pusher there, attacking me when I don't live up to its standards?
How do I deal with someone or something that triggers me? Do I attack, or do I respond in a more mature way?
Do I have adult-adult approach? Or do I fall into putting myself above others, or diminishing myself?
I further believe that the companies will show the way for what the new society will look like. It is through driven, empathetic business leaders that new places are created where people thrive and co-create, and do good for the world. We need help to create the world I think we all long for. A world where we are kind and caring towards other people, animals, plants and our entire planet. Where we can all coexist in harmony.
We need to help each other by contributing to what you and I are good at and passionate about. We need to come out of our closets and live our potential. One step at a time, we can together create the world we want to live in. One step at a time.
Role model leaders in Empathic Leadership
As the dominant leadership fades out, a new kind of leadership is required - role model leaders.
The role model leader is congruent in words, behaviors and actions. The role model leader is true to themselves and invites others to be the same.
For this individual self care comes first. The role model leader designs their life around the needs of their bodies first and foremost. Skipping rest, sleep, water, meals, etc. is out of the picture.
Role model leaders know when to lead and when to step away. A good leader knows when the job is done and steps down.
Sharp-minded, human and healthy organisations with empathic leadership.
Empathic leadership is a less controlling leadership. Successful leaders trust their employees and spend little time on control, follow-up and detailed management. Empathic leaders are very informative, transparent and present in different ways. They are clearly empathic and human. These business leaders change and adapt working methods to new realities, even those that come very suddenly. Empathic leaders create calm, faith in the future and great commitment with their honesty and clarity. They show confidence in their employees and provide freedom and flexibility within certain given frameworks. Empathic leaders see and are genuinely convinced that employees generally take responsibility and grow when they are trusted. They believe in self-leadership and have no excessive inhibiting need for control or being involved in everything. They are clear with strategies, goals and frameworks for the business. Empathic leaders are trustworthy and credible.
Empathic leadership creates healthy organisations
The dominant system is characterized by smartness, not by healthiness. By smart I mean having competent, brilliant people working with strategies, marketing, finance and technology etc. By healthy, I mean minimal politics and confusion (employees know what to do when they work together), high morale, high productivity, and very few skilled employees leave the organization. The smart organizations can be measured, that you can not do with the healthy in the same way. It is likely to be experienced by those who are embossed in the dominant system as losing control.
Organizations led with empathic leadership are both smart and healthy with equal focus on both areas. Without as much emphasis on the healthy, they can't use the smart very well. Often the first thing to occur is the breakdown of relationships, which are then seen as secondary in importance to the business. The business becomes more complex, requiring more time and people to govern it. Hierarchy takes hold, and with it comes resentment and dominance. Business leaders who realize this say: "We don't need more intelligent people and PhDs... we need to overcome the unhealthy that gets in the way of using the smart as good as possible." Successful companies don't have to be smarter than their competitors, they're healthier.
The new way of leading is very much inspired by Frederic Laloux
Organisations led by Empathic Leadership operate effectively, even at a large scale, with a system based on peer relationships and self-management. They set up structures and practices in which people have high autonomy in their domain, and are accountable for coordinating with others. Power and control are deeply embedded throughout the organisations, no longer tied to the specific positions of a few top leaders. They create an environment wherein people feel free to fully express themselves, bringing striking levels of energy, passion, and creativity to work. These organisations base their strategies on what they sense the world is asking from them. Agile practices that sense and respond, replace the machinery of plans, budgets, targets, and incentives. Paradoxically, by focusing less on the bottom line and shareholder value, they generate great financial results.
If you are interested to find out more about self-manage teams I recommend to study Frederic Laloux, Re-inventing Organizations.
How will your company be the best it can be?
What is the purpose of the business you are in? Whom does it serve?
Good business is all about connectivity, relationships, sharing resources, and a sense of higher purpose. In business, we also have to deal with fundamental human issues like fairness, trust, respect, integrity and transparency.
Successful companies don't have to be smarter than their competitors, they're healthier. Any company can achieve this. The first thing you need to have in place is a cohesive management team where the trust is fully there.
By trust, I do not mean that I trust Andrew to do what he has promised, I am referring to vulnerability-based trust. The people on the team are willing to be vulnerable. They genuinely say to each other "I don't have the answer to that", "I was wrong", "I need help", "your idea is better than mine, so let's use yours", "I made a mistake yesterday", "you're better than me at it, so I think you should do it", "I'm sorry for what I said yesterday and I wish I said this instead". When people can be this transparent with each other, this changes everything. And it starts with the management team to create this change in the company. Lack of trust destroys a team and an organization.
In a way, it is only two types of relationships a person needs.
The first is the relationship with yourself. The other relationship is the one you have with the outside world. With empathic leadership, both of these relationships develop so that you seamlessly handle the different circumstances you face both in work and private life, ranging from everyday life to more difficult situations.
Empathic leadership creates a stimulating collaborative field that people seek out to get a space for their creation, which in turn leads to increased income and success for the company, and for the employees.
In what I call empathic leadership, we use a process language and a style of communication that helps to resolve conflicts and situations while maintaining respect for everyone's needs.
Empathic leadership also enables profound transformation in people and organizations. It will be easier to have difficult conversations, and run meaningful dialogues and meetings. With empathic leadership, creativity finds itself in the complex dilemmas and challenges of everyday life, and the hidden potential of the situation emerges.
Successful people who contribute the most to the world have learned to use adversity as assets. They see adversity as a way to evolve and learn. Empathic leadership increases this ability and frees up the individual's potential.
Empathic leadership contributes to increased awareness and provides a constructive way to communicate that leads to better relationships, with oneself and others, both privately and professionally.
Empathic leadership is an updated way to lead oneself and others that leads to increased trust and passion. Empathic leadership is a modern leadership. This way of leading responds to what is going on inside of yourself and those around you, in the present moment. It is based on feelings and needs, to really listen, and a true longing to understand. In empathic leadership, we have the assumption that each individual's actions are done to satisfy any need. We assume that each individual is responsible for their actions and their life, and that we are all unique.
This modern leadership means refraining from giving advice if not asked, and we have a genuine belief that each individual finds their own answers. We are curious about what is going on within ourselves and others right now, choose to be sensitive to what is going on, and follow it to satisfy our needs and what we long for, while standing up also for the needs of others. In empathic leadership, there are no compromises.
With this upgraded way of leading oneself and others, we bring in the whole person, even when we lead professionally. What goes on in the employee's private life affects how the person works professionally, and vice versa.
We are interested in creating a physical working environment that supports the creativity, motivation and passion we want to create. We understand the value of being clear in communication and can lead meeting processes where everyone is heard and enables the meeting participants to freely want to contribute to the meeting or workshop.
As an empathetic, modern leader, we also understand the importance of taking care of ourselves and being in balance as far as possible. We consciously work to create balance in ourselves and around us because we want to be the best version of ourselves as we lead ourselves and others.
The empathic leader understands the importance of receiving feedback, developing oneself and regularly taking professional support both internally and externally to develop, deepen and refine the leadership. As a matter of course, employees are also offered the same opportunity.
An empathic leader leads the way, sets clear boundaries, has the capacity for compassion, listens, communicates easily, is energetic and confident in the decision-making.
Empathic leadership creates efficiency, clarity and security. Productivity and creativity increase while employees feel good and sick leave decreases.
Empathic leadership can also be named…
Relationship economics
Empathic leadership can also be called relationship economics. If we have a lot on the account in our relationships, communication and cooperation flow, and it can feel inspiring and nourishing to be in a relationship with a lot on the account. If we have a good relationship economy, we also have more time and power for what makes sense. If we have minus on the relationship account, it is easy that misunderstandings and interpretations occur. Such a relationship takes a lot of energy and it costs a lot more. If friction occurs in a relationship where the balance is on the plus side, we have a less cleaning job to do than if the balance is minus.
"A group or organization never works better than the relationships that exist in the group or organization. An organization is based on relationships between people. When people act and relate, they can help each other achieve the goals they want to achieve. When the relationships in the organization are conflicted and full of misunderstandings that have not been worked out, it will be more difficult to achieve the goals set." Liv Larsson writes in the book “Led som du lär”.
Needs-leadership
Empathic leadership can also be called needs-leadership. It creates an organization where the desire to want to contribute voluntarily is the driving force, rather than that the driving force is fear. Empathic leadership is built on a fundamental assumption, that the driving force behind everything we humans do, is an attempt to satisfy something we lack. To meet a need. If we start to take an interest in the needs behind our actions, and that of others, a more constructive approach to connection and cooperation is made possible. Sometimes we choose successful strategies to satisfy our needs, and sometimes we choose tragic strategies where we can also hurt others. Needs are never in conflict, it is our different strategies to meet our needs that can collide.
Power with-leadership
Empathic leadership can also be called power with-leadership. It starts from using the power I have as a leader to "power with" rather than "power over". Using one's "power with" as a leader means working together to meet the needs of everyone involved. This approach of communicating and leading, places the emphasis on compassion as a motivator for actions rather than fear, guilt, shame, reproach, coercion, intimidation or justification for punishment. When we lead with "power with", it is partnership and cooperation that are the guiding principle, unlike in the dominance systems where a few dominate over the vast majority, and it is important to be approved and seen by authorities. Leading with "power with" leads to people contributing based on desire, passion and volunteerism to the company, where the employee also gets an outlet for their ideas and creativity which benefits both the individual, the team and the company.
Interdependent leadership
Empathic leadership can also be called interdependent leadership. This means that I stand up for my own needs and remain firm in those needs, while standing up for the needs of others and not allowing others to give up and compromise their needs. With interdependent leadership, there are no compromises, everyone's needs are met. There is transparency in interdependent leadership when I am in contact with my needs and choose to be responsive to them and ask for what I need, without expecting the other to meet my desire. If I am met in my desire, I will be grateful. If I am not met in my desire, I will be grateful then also (perhaps because the other stands up for his or her needs) and finds a different strategy to meet the needs.
Contact leadership
Empathic leadership can also be called contact leadership. When we are in contact with each other, which means that we hear each other without interpretation, transformation takes place and we want to help meeting the other's needs. When we are not in contact, we are easily defended and more interested in who is right and wrong, compares and ranks, punishments and rewards, which does not benefit the efficiency and the atmosphere in the company. In empathic leadership, the intention is to make contact. Empathic leadership is NOT about getting people to do what we want. It is about creating a quality of contact that gets everyone's needs satisfied by wanting to contribute voluntarily with compassion.
Compassionate leadership
Empathic leadership can also be called compassionate leadership. The essence of compassionate leadership is a belief that all people have the capacity to feel compassion and empathy. That we only resort to violence or harmful behavior when we do not have access to more effective strategies to meet our needs. In compassionate leadership, we suggest that people identify the needs we share, which we get to know by taking an interest in the thoughts and feelings that surround these needs, and work together to develop strategies and communicate requests to each other to meet each other's needs. In compassionate leadership we have access to our empathy and when compassion exists, we also want to voluntarily contribute to others.
Transformative leadership
Empathic leadership can also be called transformative leadership. Empathic leadership is seemingly an interpersonal communication process designed to improve compassionate connection with others, which also allows for profound transformation in people and organisations. When we reach what is actually going on in this moment and are in contact with it, transformation takes place. So we do not really need to think about solutions, we can stay with what is going on right now and wait for what wants to happen and what answers that will emerge.
Now-ledarskap
Empathic leadership can also be called now-leadership. We are exploring the possibility of being with what is going on in us and others right now. In order to support ourselves in being able to stay in the present more and more, we are interested in various ways such as yoga which is a collective name for body movements, breathing exercises, relaxation and meditation. We also understand the value of being in silence with oneself to get in touch with what is going on in me right now and explore. Rest and recovery are as important as being in motion and driving. And we create space for this for ourselves and for our employees.
Empathy and sympathy.
Distinguishing between empathy and sympathy is a prerequisite for empathic leadership. Empathy is to have the ability to perceive and experience another person's emotions and have the ability to read moods and feelings. It is important to be able to distinguish between one's own feelings and the others. To lead with empathy is to be a companion to another human being without involving oneself.
Sympathy is to have the same attitude as the other and support it. A classic sympathy situation is that a person around you is sad, and because of that, you also get sad. Sitting and crying together may seem liberating, but the problem is likely to persist. You have entered the situation of the other and are just as unable to do anything as the person him/herself.
Empathy and sympathy are often mixed up. What is the crucial difference is the ability to keep another person's experience separate from your own. Where empathy allows you to understand how another person thinks and feels, makes sympathy that you think and feel the same way.
It is our ability to separate the other's experience from our own that makes us able to help a person. You need to be able to familiarise yourself with what another person is experiencing in order to support the person. That's why empathy is the factor that is said to have one of the biggest impact on staff turnover. People want, consciously or unconsciously, to be where they are met with empathy.
Being empathic is simply about doing exactly what the philosopher Sören Kierkegaard talked about: "If I want to succeed in bringing a human being towards a certain goal, I must first find her where she is and start right there."
Empathy + honesty = empathy
Empathy without honesty becomes sympathy. If we only give empathy without being honest with what it is true for me, it leads the other person to believe that I agree with the other's opinion. For example, if you have decided to do your utmost to listen to a person's political views that are completely different from your own and you are only listening, then the other person finally thinks that you agree with him. If, however, you can listen with empathy and also convey your own political position, while being able to understand the other person from his or her perspective. That is empathy.
There is honesty and there is "honesty"
In empathic leadership, we believe that honesty means that I have the ability to communicate without interpretations. I communicate how I feel because I have certain needs and I can express my wishes. So-called I-message. There are also those who believe that honesty is when I express my "honest view" of others. Often this kind of "honesty" contains interpretations, judgments and opinion of others. When we communicate with honesty based on my interpretations, it usually leads to distance and conflict, and the contact in the communication is absent. In empathic leadership, the intention is always contact.
Make a difference through inner work
We can make a difference in the world by making our own inner development journey. People with a more developed inner maturity acts in a more developed way. It becomes Empathic Leadership by itself.
We can start by taking a look at our closest relationships. How mature are we? Do we have genuine harmony, openness, radical truth beyond our ego structure, love, warmth, joy in these relationships?
How do I deal with someone or something that triggers me? Do I attack, or do I respond in a more mature way?
Do I have adult-adult approach? Or do I fall into putting myself above others, or diminishing myself?
How do I treat myself in my internal communication with myself? Am I empathetic and supportive of myself? Or is my inner critic there, attacking me when I don't live up to its standards?
We need to face ourselves in the depths, see our own fears and the beliefs that have shaped us until now, and work with these patterns. This is not a quick fix and easy journey. Many have already started this journey. And many more are on their way.
And please accept the radical truth of where you are in your inner maturity. No need to judge yourself or lift yourself up. Most of us have some inner work to do. I invite you to just see it for what it is. We start from where you are. Wherever you are.
Develop your empathic leadership.
Developing your empathic leadership means creating skills in:
• Radical truth: to have an integrated longing for what is truly true, for real, right now. To explore and work through problems, obstacles and barriers that are in the way of reaching our true self, as well as being able to directly connect with our true consciousness.
• Sensing: being able to feel our body from the inside.
• Presence: to have your attention focused on what is going on here and now.
• Balance: having a balanced body, mind and soul with a supportive lifestyle. Also to have balance in the outer areas such as profession, economy, relationships and housing.
• Learning: always be open to the inner development, no matter what resistance I face inside.
• Coaching approach: a belief that each individual is unique and responsible for their own life and actions, and that the individual is fully capable of taking on this responsibility.
• Awareness: an increased awareness of myself and others that supports the way I communicate, and relate to myself and my surroundings, which enables to live a life of compassion, collaboration, courage and authenticity.
• Language: understand how words contribute to contact or distance.
• Communication: knowing how I ask for what I want, how I hear others even in disagreement, and how I work for solutions that work for everyone.
• Influence and leadership: share "power with others" rather than using "power over others".